ED HARDY TRUE RELIGION AND MORE

GET DESIGNER BRANDS AT A DISCOUNT 

CHECK THE STORE HERE:     http://www.auctiva.com/stores/viewstore2.aspx?id=1068119&styleid=12&siteid=0

SWARM feat. dstar + mason + mc armanni reign (philadelphia)

STUNNA (chicago)

DIDACTIKID (chicago)

AXSENT (chicago)

CAFE LURA
3184 N. Milwaukee
corner of milwaukee and belmont

21+ with id to enter
$10
http://myspace.com/konkretejunglechicago
http://www.cafelura.com

mike/axsent
djaxsent@hotmail.com
630-805-0498
myspace.com/djaxsent

We do this for free, looking to you, Miller or Budweiser, Jim Beam or Jack Daniels. Help us help you. At the very least your small sponsorship will allow Boozen to expand and create our network. We will begin by contacting all bar management in the state of Florida. With your small contribution we will advertise the “shit” out of your product. Excuse me for being so vulgar but I believe strongly that “With your credibility and my idea, the sky would be the limit.”  

Please contact:

Alan Lund President of Boozen.com

wasted@boozen.com

Lundf19@erau.edu

INT. ONE WAY INN-NIGHT

A man, roughly in his early 50’s, shaggy, shoulder length hair, wearing a Hawaiian island button down sits with his back toward us in what seems to be an eye soar of a joint. The man seems to be conversing with someone across from him but we can’t make him out due to the enormous size of the man sitting at the bar. This man, a veteran and well respected drunk amongst the drunkards goes by the name of Hank. Hazardous Hank.

HANK: So I go to see the doc the other day about this problem I’ve been havin and…

Bartender: And…

Hank: Well ya know it’s a tad bit personal and I don’t know if I…

Bartender: Who the hell do ya think your foolin big fella. You’ve been comin in here cryin me rivers since as far back as I can remember. My Christ I’m practically like your brother for Christ fuckin sake.

Hank: Let’s get something straight buddy the only reason I come in here is because its close and I’m a full blown lush. The only reason I tell you anything is because well… you’re the only object in sight. Do me a personal one and consider yourself my most reliable source of venting. Don’t go thinkin you should get a fuckin ribbon pinned on your shirt neitha. Sheit, I’d go see a psychiatrist but it would put a huge cut into my drinking budget and that doesn’t sound like the answer either. Sheit, drankin is the only sanity this eggshell mind knows.

Bartender: I’m sorry you feel that way Hank. But if you don’t mind I’ll give you my final piece of advice.

Hank-Well, if it’s any consolation to you I truly do mind but since you did insert the word, final in there I think I’ll be able to maintain.

Bartender: What?

Hank: Lay it on me sad sack.

Bartender: Ever consider a punching bag?

HANK: You sound like my therapist when I was attending anger management.

Hank begins rolling up his sleeves to reveal his fist to the bartender.

Hank: Look at the size of these baseball mits

Bartender: Jesus H. Christ those things roll like fuckin wheel barrels…

Hank: Yeah, I’ve purchased every kind of punchin bag you can think of..

Hank: Put holes in em the size of Jenna Jamesons snatch too.

Hank: The standard weight is about, what, 100 to 150 pounds?

Bartender: And?

Hank: Well let’s just say the sand inside the bag was later donated to my brothers kids sandbox.

Bartender: You should get a job workin the door man.

Hank: Naw, won’t let me drink on the job.

Bartender: ya, who would want to have to go to work sober anyway? So, back to your problem.

HANK: Problem?

Bartender: The doctor’s office?

Hank: you’re a nosey little fucker are you sonny? You know what your problem is, you need to get laid.

Hank: Well like I was telling ya I went to the docs office because I was having an erection disfunction…

Bartender- What cock can’t stand on its own anymore?

Hank: Fuck No… I don’t know how to get the motherfucker down!

By Michael Milano

Just as I was becoming hopeless I saw a neon glow piercing through the pernicious storm. I couldn’t quite make out what the neon light was trying to reveal to me due to the violent surge of precipitation and the fact that I left my glasses at home next to my wedding ring on a night stand on a ranch in a little town in Nevada. The closer I got the more the neon light seem to congest together forming a saturated blob that glowed of muddy hue in the most morose evening I’d seen in years.

Without hesitation I pulled in and sprinted toward the door. The place was dilapidated and reminded me of something eerie, such as the Bates Motel or the hotel ballroom Jack Torrance was compelled by in the movie, “The Shining.” Still, I really had no choice in the matter. It was the closest shelter and it what almost imperative I got off the road as quickly as possible. As I entered through the front door it came to my awareness that there was no one in sight. The word “vacancy” was lit up in the front window like the fourth of July and there was absolutely no sign of life. I was drowsy from the road and bitter from the frigid rain that was coming down in heaps. I was becoming both frugal and perturbed. I saw the bell on the desk gleaming at me and so like any impatient asshole I slammed on that bell relentlessly.

“Hello, service here. Hello!”

No more than a second later I heard a low, screeching voice somewhat comparable to that of the crypt keeper but just a tad bit more squeaky and modest.

“How can I be at your service this evening fine sire?

Where the hell did it come from? I spun around the room like a madman on a merry-go-round. There was nothing. At this point my heart was palpitating like a drum and I had my pecker in a head lock to keep from pissing myself. The storm worsened but to nothing of this degree. Was I going mad? I needed a drink. That’s it, a glorious drink. The answer to all unanswered problems.

“Sire, how can I be at your assistance?”

The sound seemed to be coming from down below me with the impact of a geyser busting from out the Earth.

“Sire, I don’t have all evening.”

And with that I detected where the ghoulish voice was coming. I motioned cautiously to the front desk and peeked over to view to this night what was the most frightening, yet, most fascinating thing I’d ever gazed my eyes on. A man, or dwarf for that matter standing no more than three foot tall with small, black, pebble shaped eyes with the same jovial facial characteristics as ol Saint Nick. At least, that is what I remember before blacking out.

By Michael Milano

 Check out these two Awesome parties going on:

Mike Rosengren’s and Mike WiZorick’s Double-The- Fun       B-Day Bash on Friday Sept. 28th at:

Grand Central

(773) 832-4000
950 W Wrightwood Ave
Chicago, IL 

 $30 all u can drink from     10-1am (No Cover, Top Shelf drinks, and Shots included). 

Then Join us on:

Saturday October 6th for The Boozen.com Promo Party-  Celebrate Rosario Marino- Successful Pizza Entrepreneur and Mike Colianne, aka Frank the Tank for a B-Day Bash you won’t want to miss at:

Ontourage

(312) 573-1470
 157 W Ontario St,                                                               Chicago IL

For $50 you get exclusive access to VIP with a Private Deejay and Comfort Seating, No cover, 10 drink tickets that you can use until 5 am (Top Shelf Drinks), and Open Bar from 9pm-10pm ( Open bar Free for everyone who shows)   Tickets can be split, but a $10.00 VIP charge will be added to one person.   If you don’t want the drink special VIP will be $10.00.    SAY “BOOZEN” at the door.

Hope to see Ya!!

Remember Don’t be a Loozer Be a Boozer!!! 

Questions Call: Gino 630-742-5843

MAX

Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
——————————————————————-
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
——————————————————————–
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
——————————————————————-
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with “A man once told me…”
——————————————————————-
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
! ——————————————————————-
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can’t shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
——————————————————————-
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
——————————————————————-
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told
————————————–! —————————–
I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
——————————————————————-
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called a Wedding Cake.
——————————————————————-
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
——————————————————————-
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
——————————————————————-
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
——————————————————————-
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth!

AND MAXINE SAYS…..! Wipe your mouth there is still a tiny bit of bull shit around your lips!

 

    Medical Distinctions

 We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls.

 But do you really know the

difference between them?

 In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below….

 GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ”Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

 BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on  the butt and having the balls to say: “You’re next.”

 I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

 Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

see mesage to our sponsors for more information….